Covid-19 and how it's changed the way we live in a world of loss
Anyone who knows me knows that I love Roses. To me roses represent absolute Beauty and that's what my Mama is to me. I call my Mother in law Mama, never mother in law or anything else, she's my Mama because she was the most beautiful woman a daughter in law could have.
I never in my life thought I would be so blessed to have such an amazing Mama. Typically when you meet someone, you don't know what your relationship is going to be like with the in laws. Well I feel like the luckiest woman in the world, because my Mama was literally the best. I am blessed to have shared this time with her, truly. This has been such a devastating loss.
Loss is always hard but I think this new Covid-19/Quarantine Life has made it so much harder. In March I was spending every other day with my Mama and then right before my Bday we had to stop because of Quarantine. Since then my husband and I have done everything to be safe. My family and I don't go out, we all stay home and my husband and I only go out to bulk shop... with masks on. When we come home from going out we literally disinfect everything, wash our hands and use hand sanitizer...we do everything we can to be safe. This includes not exposing ourselves to others (yes, even family) because we have to think about our kids. When we found out mama was really sick we decided that my husband no matter what needed to be with her. The plan was he goes to see her (the obvious choice because it's his mom) and when he got home I would disinfect everything and have lysol and hand sanitizer...the whole thing set up and ready for him the second he walked in the door including dumping his clothes straight into the laundry. I stayed home because if he got sick he would be quarantined in our bedroom and at least our kids would have one parent to take care of them. I thought this was a full proof plan until Quarantine was over and mama got better...only thing is, she didn't get better and I lost the chance to ever see her again.
Covid took a lot away from me and I am sure from many others as well. It took precious time/moments away from me, it took away my chances of spending the last moments with my mama and it took away my chance to say goodbye and even the chance to go to her funeral. The hard reality of that is you never get those moments back, there is no redo. The worst part of all this is Covid also took my mama away...we found out that was the cause. I can see how Covid played a factor because my mama already had bad health and a lot of complications. One thing I know though is she was one tough woman. She has been through a lot these past 2 years, I just never expected to lose her. I have so many mixed emotions and like everyone else I have my own opinions about things pertaining to Quarantine, wearing masks etc. but at the end of the day the only thing that I can do is continue keeping my family safe, as best as I can.
We shared so many precious moments and had such a strong bond. I was telling my husband Mama loved to take care of people and baby them and I loved to be babied, we were a recipe for disaster. Joking aside though Mama always took care of me; when I was sick, when I was in her home and she always checked on me every time my husband was with her or on the phone with her. When Mama was sick I was always by her side (except during Quarantine..That was hard), and if I wasn't with her, she was looking for me to come to her side. Mama didn't speak English and I don't speak Spanish that well but we made it work. When I started to speak more Spanish she would light up like a Christmas tree! It was precious. I could only imagine the relationship we would've had if I was fluent in Spanish. Before she passed I told my husband I wanted Mama to teach me more about being Catholic, she practiced her religion very strongly and I know that would have brought us even closer. I just love my Mama so much I would've done anything to be close to her. I love her with my whole heart and I can't even express how broken and lost I feel without her.
One thing my own mother pointed out is that all my sacrifice is the definition of Agape: Selfless love. I sacrificed time with Mama so my husband could be with her and I could keep my children safe. It's not a fair deal but I guess that's why it's called selfless. I didn't do it for any reason except to give my husband precious time with his mom. Another thing is that we moved to Texas 7 years ago because I asked my husband to move us here. I knew he needed to be with his Mama the first time she ever got really sick, so that makes it another time I was acting out of selfless love...I guess I have been living the Agapephilia Lifestyle way before it became my business/brand name. Again, it's not a fair trade seeing as I missed out on monumental moments with Mama at the end but it makes me happy to show my authentic self in everything I do. I am proud of myself, and I think Mama is too...She knows I would have done anything to be with her but she also knows why I wasn't.
If you have experienced loss during Quarantine, my deepest condolences...Truly. Loss is already hard but in this new way of living it's devastating. I will be sending thoughts and prayers to all those in need! Just like everyone has done for me, and if you are one of the people who have reached out, from the bottom of my heart... Thank You! My followers' support has helped me so much! I may never be the same, but it really was heart warming, seeing so many people being supportive and reaching out to me.
As Always....Have a Day as Beautiful As You Are!