What comes after the Happily Ever After...
Happily Every After is where your story ends right?...or is it?
Actually Happily Ever After is where it begins because this is just a plan, but Beyond Ever After is your execution.
Have you and your partner sat down and figured out how to execute your plan of Happily Ever After? and not the kind in fairy tales but the kind that you vowed, "For better or for worse"? In fact you don't get better until you have gone through the worst. The hard part is the work it takes to get there and even after you get there, it's also about the dedication. If you ask me putting in the work is the best part though, because once you do get through it and reach your Happy Ending it makes it so much sweeter!
The work to execute your plan:
It takes a lot to have what is truly considered a happy relationship and it takes a lot to continue it. That's why I said it's hard work and dedication...it doesn't stop once you get to a happy place, or at least it shouldn't, being complacent isn't true happiness. Remember a relationship/Marriage is like school (you'll know what that means if you read my last post). In this post I will be talking about some things that have worked in my marriage AND if you have been married or in a long term relationship share your personal tips in a comment below! Remember sharing is caring!
Tips to Live By when you are Married or in a Long Term Relationship
First things first, Communication!!!
This is like Relationship 101 right? so why bother typing about it? well because there's a lot that goes into communication! It may seem like a simple concept but it's something couples struggle with everyday.
Speak kindly in the good and the bad moments.
Be Open...Be open when you are speaking, and be open when you are listening.
When talking to each other think before you speak because it's not about how you intend to say things but about how it is perceived, and if you are in a heated argument anything can be perceived the wrong way.
Never talk out of anger because hurtful words stand out more and leave a bad impression a lot longer than anything else.
Have Daily Conversations with Daily Affirmations. Be positive and kind to each other so even when things get heated it won't be as bad because the foundation of love is already there.
Make sure when something is bothering you, you speak up! No one is a mind reader and it saves a lot of long drawn out problems. Also don't let problems build up until you burst! Tackle those hard conversations head on (while you are still calm and thinking clearly). Also make sure when you are so filled with Joy you are letting your partner know the Joy they bring and why.
Last But not least Actions Speak louder than words. Don't just tell each other you love each other, show each other. Rather its buying flowers or just doing small random acts of kindness for your spouse. Do something actionable to show them that you pay attention to them and you care about their happiness and their needs.
School of Love
When you love your partner and you want to make them happy and work towards happiness together you have to have the desire to always learn everything you can about them. This goes beyond "What is your favorite color". When you are married there's so much to learn. Just when you think you know everything there is to know about your partner, there's more! (but men, it is always helpful to remember the small things). Dating is like High school, you're getting by and you know your suppose to work towards something more but you think there's always time to figure that out. College is like Marriage, all that time you thought you had to get things figured out or you'd get around to it, it's gone. College is time to put in the hard work to get your associates, then bachelors only to have to work towards your Masters and then get a career...only your career is making marriage work!
Class is in Session and here's your homework:
Figure out your love language (if you haven't read the book then you definitely should, or at least have someone explain it to you) and share that with your partner, why take the chance of waiting for them to figure that out when you know that will just get frustrating?
Discuss with your partner what their love language is, so that you know what makes them happy and what they need to feel fulfilled!
Discuss the things you don't like, the things you don't like in general and the things you don't like about each other (go back to communication-Be Open)
Find out what your personality types are and why it resonates with you so much.
Figure out each others' communication style, and remember there's no wrong or right answer here but there should be some kind of compromise, because don't forget you need to be on the same page or at least close to it!
The same way you know how to push each other's Triggers find a way to De-escalate problematic conversations, like a safe phrase.
Learn when to walk away, and how to try to see the other persons' perspective so when you come back to the conversation you can have a logical conversation about the topic. Trying to see the other persons' perspective doesn't mean they are right, it just means you care about them enough to try to understand.
Practice the Peter Pan Effect
Just because you want to grow old together doesn't mean you have to act like it! Even when you do get in your older years continue practicing everything you have learned in your marriage that got you to that point...Including having fun. People change all the time and so does their idea of fun, which can make things challenging but at least you won't be complacent!
My husband and I are always finding things to do to have fun. My husband is my best friend and we never have an issue being together. We are always creating fun routines and once we have it all figured out, we always change it up! You can say we like to keep things interesting by constantly changing our relationship up one way or another.
Go on Dates, but take turns going to places. I know that you won't always like what the other person likes or enjoy it but sometimes you have to take one for the team, then take your turn and then the next time compromise.
Watch movies at home with your favorite snack, and again alternate. This helps avoid being irritated and you will be so appreciative that your spouse cares enough to watch something even though they hate it.
Do a project together! It can be a hobby, it can be a common interest or just simply do your own thing, but in the same space so you can be doing separate things together.
Go On Adventures!
Never forget to continually figure out new things as your grow, and as you grow older.
Ultimately I could sit here and list a million things but only you and your spouse knows what works for you, so discuss it!
I would love to hear your thoughts and see what tips you have to share in the comments below! Also if there is something you want to work on in your marriage, a goal you would like to work towards then book a session with me so we can put it into action! I would love to help you navigate your beyond ever after.
© 2020 Copyright Agapephilia Holistic Life Coach/Lisamarie