At Least that is what we are going for, right?
After all these years of Marriage
I know that my husband and I have learned a lot along the way. Now, our marriage is far from perfect but I think the key thing that has held the glue in this bond, is communication. I know that sounds a bit cliche but it's absolutely true. One of the reasons why we are so good with communication is because we practice it all the time. We literally talk to each other about everything and we do not hold back. When I say we don't hold back I mean we talk about; what makes us happy, what annoys us, what we don't like at all and what we can work on for things to get better. This doesn't have to be a negative thing, you just have to be open and receptive to whatever you decide to discuss with each other. Think about it, whenever you have a conversations rather its positive or constructive criticism its all for the greater good (working on having an amazing marriage). My husband is such an amazing man, he takes in a lot and he knows just how to communicate with me, or how to make things better when our conversation isn't going so great. Point being, we have learned a way to communicate that works for us by learning each other.
School Of Love
Have you ever heard the expression love is like school? In school you study and work hard to graduate but then you just go to the next grade. In Love it's the same thing, you learn one thing about your partner and relationship and then you move to the next step. The important thing is to not feel comfortable enough to stop learning your partner because at any given time things can change, people change. The only way to get through growth and major life transitions with your partner is by talking about it. I know I have changed a lot over the years, especially this year. One of the biggest things is, I told my husband that our lifestyle that we have had for the past 14 years just isn't working for me anymore. My husband and I don't get offended when we tell each other that something isn't working out, instead we talk about it. We weigh the good with the bad, we talk about the things that need to stay the same and the things that we need to work on, and we talk about strategy. We do this kind of work with all obstacles that arise, and everyone is different but that's the point, it is up to you to want to learn your partner, and what works for you and your relationship.
Honesty is The Best Policy
Since we are talking about communication, there's another important thing to know. honesty really is the best policy, I know, I am just full of cliches. There's a reason why these phrases are overused by people though, because there's truth in them. What is the point in communicating, if you aren't being completely open and honest? And think about it, if you plan on spending the rest of your life with someone (which is what marriage is all about) then what good would it do to hold back? The thing about learning your partner, doesn't work if you are only telling half truths, versions of the truth or holding back on bits and parts of what you should be saying to your partner. I mean how can someone really get to know you (and graduate from the school of love) if they don't know you, or the whole you? I know sometimes people hold back when communicating and there's many reasons why people do it, but it's really counter productive. The other part about being open and honest is it builds trust (here comes another cliche) and if there's no trust then there's no relationship. This is another reason why my marriage has worked for so long, we are very open and also very honest. We have more to lose by not being open and honest than if we just say what we need to say and work on the rest together.
Always and Forever
it is important to learn about communication at any given point of your life. I learned about communication through personal experience (like most people) but also through movies and books. Fireproof was the first thing that ever sparked my interest in communication when I started dating Aaron, my husband. I cannot even express the things that movie, book and journal taught me! I also learned from reading books like "Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus" and another great book is "The 5 love languages". I am an Analytical person, so I do better when I am learning and understanding things by studying. This leads to another part of learning about your partner that will help immensely, learning each others' personality types. If you have been following my work then you also know reflecting is another important part of my learning process. My husband and I reflect on our relationship all the time and we have learned so much from ourselves by doing that. We learned a lot about what has and hasn't worked through the years. We have seen all of our mistakes, all the things that should have broken us and why it didn't, how we have changed and what it took to make those changes, and also what has worked so well right from the start. We also do a lot of processing, as I mentioned above, when we run into obstacles we talk about what works, what doesn't and strategy. Something to really think about too is trying to understand each other's version of the story, in any situation. When something happens it is important to listen to each other and try to understand the other persons' version of what happened. When listening to the other persons' version try to remember it's not about what you meant to say or do, but how it made your partner feel. This also has gotten me and my husband through a lot, it helps us understand where miscommunication can happen. I personally can't believe my husband and I have been together for 14 years, it's such a beautiful accomplishment. We have a whole life ahead of us and we always promise each other that we will never stop working on being better and we will never stop learning. We started this journey with the intentions of being together, always and forever and I think we are on the right track.
If you would like to talk about relationships and communication I would love to hear your story. I remember when I use to work at a bank my co-workers would come to me all the time about their relationships and it always made me feel good when they asked me for advice. It made me feel like they saw something that was really working for me and my marriage, which was communication. Every story is different, every relationship is different, and every journey moving forward is different so if you would like to talk about it, please visit my website to book a session.
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