A whole new world of Grief....and how to prepare for loss
Grieving is never easy and with Covid it got a whole lot harder.
I think one things that made losing my Mama harder was the fact that we never imagined losing her would be like this, would look like this.
No one imagined anything like Covid-19 and then on top of that No one imagined what loss would look like during this time.
It's hard enough losing someone but could you imagine the devastation of losing someone during Quarantine. I mean think about it, we are under Quarantine..meaning minimal to no contact with loved ones, or anyone for that matter (if you are actually following Quarantine in it's literal sense). No one ever imagined that losing someone meant our last moments with them was pre-Covid / Pre-Quarantine, which feels like so long ago now. To this day it blows my mind. I never in my life thought I'd miss out on Mama's last moments... and then on top of that missing her funeral! Her funeral! I think that's why sometimes it just feels so unreal, like a bad freaking nightmare.
What Am I Getting At?!
I think that my husband and I should have talked about the possibilities of losing mom during a time like this. Mama was sick before Covid-19 and you have heard that people with pre-existing conditions are less likely to survive if they get it. I think had I been a little more mentally prepared I would not have been so devastated. I mean I know Mama had so many pre-existing conditions but I guess I was just so use to her being so strong I never fathomed loosing her now. Another thing is, had we used our minds and had my husband FaceTime me when he went to go see her, that would have helped a little. I mean really nothing makes loss easier but I think we could have done a few things just a little different.
Have you had The Talk?
No one ever wants to talk about the possibilities of losing a loved one. But like I often tell my husband when hard conversations need to be had, "It may be hard to talk about, and you may not want to think about it but that doesn't make it go away".
We had a talk a few years back (about 3 or 4 yrs ago) about if we lose Mama, back when she was sick and we thought we were going to lose her at that time. I told my husband that even though we don't want to discuss losing Mama we need to talk about being prepared. I have lost many family members before Mama and was very aware of the things that got left to the last second, leaving everyone distraught. I didn't want that for my husband or his family (it ended up happening anyways but what can you do). I told my husband all the things that went wrong and the things that needed to be done to prevent it from happening to us.
Being Prepared for the Unexpected
First and foremost, Consider never being mentally prepared to lose a loved one (at any time) but also expect that it can happen especially now that there's Covid.
Consider saving for unexpected costs ahead of time, build an emergency savings just for loss, talk to family about pitching in now... rather than scrambling for it later.
Consider planning ahead when it comes to wills and last wishes and physically having them set in place
Consider asking your loved one if they want to be buried or cremated and where
Consider funeral home costs and start saving for it way ahead of time
Consider asking doctors for pamphlets on how to be prepared for loss, most places have them because during time of grief it can be hard to focus and remember everything that needs to be done (Find them at Doctors offices, Hospitals, Nursing Homes and more).
Consider ahead of time a Grief Counselor and the cost for one, I Wish I would've thought of that one!
Consider that during these times of uncertainty because of Covid that you may not even be able to attend a funeral...I was NOT even thinking about that.
No one wants to think about these things but it would have changed a lot of things had my family planned ahead of time. When Mama passed, the funeral home wasn't picked out, a Burial place wasn't picked out, where to buy flowers was a mess, the cost threw everyone off and I won't even get into the rest.
The point is, loss is hard enough but it doesn't have to be completely devastating if you mentally, physically and financially prepare yourself and the family.
Please plan ahead...no matter how hard it is. Your only focus should be the love one who has passed, the family and having the peace you need to grieve.