Come on now, just because Valentines Day is over doesn't mean Love is. So let's talk about love, and this time I'm talking Ero: Romance, Passion and Attraction!
I went to the store day before Valentines Day and it looked like the Zombie Apocalypse and the only thing we had to survive on was Valentines Day candy. But really, what is the big deal? I don't see how candies, cards, and stuffed animals truly express love, yes their nice gestures but you can do that any day! And why should the Gift Giving stop there? Why do we feel the need to showcase our love and post it on everything for everyone to see?! Love is way too important and has much deeper meaning than that.
Love is about having a deep connection with a partner that you physically, mentally and emotionally cannot have with anyone else. This is the type of connection that makes you feel like you two are the only people in the world. I think Valentines Day should be spent more on Deepening that connection. How can you do that you ask? by educating yourself! Yes, you heard me right, Learn about Love.
Learning About Love
There's many ways to do this, you can read books; Fireproof, Men are from Mars and women are from Venus series, 5 Love languages and so much more. Men, don't think you get off that easy either! It's not just the women's job, it takes two. Besides there are Men's versions to every one of those I just listed!
Another way to learn, is by experience/reflecting...have you ever sat back with your partner and thought of all the things that went wrong and how you could've done it differently? Have you ever talked to your partner about what went right and the joy it brought you? Have you talked about how you want to build off of the things that went so amazingly well in your relationship up to this point? If not you should because honestly you can learn a lot from each other and your own love story.
More ways to learn about love, is by following good examples. Just check out any facebook post #RelationshipGoals. Learn from the Elders and how they managed to make their marriages last and reach that goal of a 50 yr Anniversary or more! Really though, the older generation, they really knew how to make it work!
Listen I am not saying love is easy peasy just like that you will know all you need to know. What I am saying though is Love is like exercise, you have to learn, and you have to work hard on it. It's like working out; it's hard work, dedication and a lot of aches of pains along the way but the main goal is never give up!
This February isn't just the Month for Valentine's in my world. February on my calendar is the Month that represents when my Husband and I; had our first date, our first kiss, our first day/start of our beautiful journey, Fourteen years ago! Now, what did we do this Valentines? Absolutely nothing. We work opposite shifts now and I barely see him, but oh no, don't feel bad for us. You see we don't mind not doing anything on this day because we know we do everything we can every other day. My husband and I have grown so much over these fourteen years. We never stop studying each other and it's like school; you graduate one step but you keep going on to the next year. Now we may fail a few subjects but what can I say, that's just a part of life, you retake the course. We live, we learn and we move on.
So what do we do to keep our marriage going?
1. Communicate Effectively. Anyone can talk and anyone can listen but it takes true skills to talk in a way that allows you to be heard (in other words tone,volume and attitude is everything ). It takes even more skill not to just listen to the other person, but to HEAR them. Don't auto tune each other out and don't talk AT each other, there's a difference. Take the time to process what you say to each other, and acknowledge what the other is saying when it's their turn to talk. Communication is a two way street and takes a lot of time and power. Also remember to choose your words wisely, your anger might be temporary but your words could last a lifetime.
2. Quality Time. This is a big one for us because our time is not only limited but it is valuable. I barely see my husband so when we do have time together we use that time with purpose. We make sure we go out together, Squeeze in some romance in every moment we can. We have long deep meaningful conversations, we dance in the kitchen to our favorite song, we even flirt and kiss like when we first started dating fourteen years ago. By doing this we have become inseparable best friends. Relationship and all that physical stuff aside, this man is truly my best friend. This shouldn't apply just to those who barely see their spouse though because let's face it life is short and we're never promised tomorrow so live & love with purpose.
3. Physical Connection & Attraction!
Okay, so without getting all 50 shades here let's talk about passion and desire. Even though our lifestyle is unconventional the good thing about it is, it really keeps the fire burning! I mean we treat each other like we're the hottest and most beautiful thing we've ever seen. We can never get enough of each other. It is so important to keep things going behind closed doors too. This kind of love needs to be a part of your life because it's a bond, a connection that is a whole new level for so many reasons. The best part of being with your partner intimately is keeping it interesting. This kind of love can be fun, you can be passionate, you can be wild, you can be romantic, literally the only thing it can't be is boring (at least I don't think). It's also important to communicate about your intimacy too. Don't worry just about your own needs, when you worry about the others' needs is when it's really the best. Never stop learning each others body and desires.
I hope you have found value in this post and please feel free to leave your tips on how to keep love going because everyone is different. There are no two relationships that are exactly the same and as I have said before your stories can be someone else's guidance! Thanks for reading! And remember Love doesn't only happen for one day, it should be -Always and forever.
© 2020 Copyright Agapephilia Holistic Life Coach/ Lisamarie